Say you have a neighbor. Every day you see him leave for work. You see him come out to the driveway, enter his car, and put it in neutral. Then he gets out of his car and begins to push it onto the road, and then down the road till he’s out of sight. His job is not far away but he leaves home early because it takes him a long time to get there. His car is brand new, functions perfectly, tires balanced and smooth. But he never starts it, never drives it. He just pushes it, day after day.
We approach our religious life in the same way, do we not? In Paul’s letter to the Galatians 3:3, he writes: ’After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?’ In both salvation and life we are wholly dependent on God’s grace and power. Self-reliance is utterly futile.
Our passage today from the Gospel of Mark recounts the utter failure of one who relied on himself: Peter – the spokesman of the apostles and future leader of the church. Not only can he not push his car himself, he gets run over when it rolls back on him! Like a bone that has to be re-broken before it can set properly, Peter has to fall in order to know that he does not have it in himself to be a follower of Jesus. This is not Peter’s story only. It is my story, and your story. It is the story for all of us who have ever formed a resolution and had the best intentions of doing right and standing firm, only to find ourselves lying in the mud again. It is for all of us who have ever failed, all of us who know shame and embarrassment.
Part A of this episode with Peter is in Mark 14:27-31. Jesus and his disciples are on their way out of Jerusalem to the Mount of Olives on the night of Jesus’ arrest. They’ve just left the Upper Room, where Jesus has, like dropping a bombshell, indicated that one of the Twelve is going to betray him. (That really took all the levity out of the room!) Now, as they are walking, Jesus goes further and says ‘You will all fall away’. Jesus here quotes an Old Testament prophecy, Zechariah 13 – I will strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered. This is a prophecy of the Day of the Lord, where God calls the sword to strike the shepherd and scatter the sheep, as part of his refining of the people of God. By quoting this Jesus sets his imminent arrest and suffering squarely in the scope of God’s will, not just the actions of man.
Then Jesus says, ‘But after I have risen I will go ahead of you into Galilee.’ This is the fifth time in Mark that Jesus has explicitly predicted his resurrection. Peter overlooks this entirely, and focuses on Jesus’ declaration that the disciples would all fall away. This is typical Peter. In Mark 8:31, the first time Jesus speaks of his suffering and resurrection, Peter ignores the resurrection and focuses on the suffering. On that occasion he takes it on himself to take Jesus aside and rebuke him, set him straight.
He does it here, as well. Jesus says ‘You will all fall away.’ Peter says, ‘No, Jesus, you’ve got it wrong. They might, but even if all fall away, I will not.’
Have you ever made that kind of confident commitment?
– A New Year’s resolution, to quit smoking or get in shape.
– Or maybe something more significant: ‘I’ll never hit you again.’
– ‘I’ll never visit that website again.’
– ‘It’s time to stop drinking.’
My life has been full of such declarations: I have resolved to God countless times that ‘from now I’m yours entirely’. Some years back, I was at a ministry conference and was struck again by the need to pursue God fully. I came back and told my wife about it and said, ‘After today, everything’s different. This is a watershed day.’ But guess what: my spiritual life continues to ebb and flow.
We make these commitments, promises to God with full intent. We sing them: ‘I surrender all’, ‘Lord, you have my heart’. They are just different ways of saying, ‘Jesus, I won’t fall away.’
Peter’s so very sure of himself in that moment, as are we. His heart is good. His intentions are good. His determination is there. But he has not at all internalized Jesus’ words about his suffering. Like couples who make vows on their wedding day about ‘better or worse, in joy or in sorrow’, not really knowing what ‘worse’ and ‘sorrow’ might mean.
The Bible in 1 Corinthians 10:12 says, So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.
Peter thinks he is standing firm. “Even if all fall away, Jesus, you can count on me. I’m more committed than the rest. I’m the best friend you got.’ But Jesus turns to Peter and says, ‘I tell you the truth, today – yes, tonight – before the rooster crows twice, you yourself will disown me three times. Oh yes, Peter, not only will you fall away and flee with the rest of them, you will entirely disassociate yourself from me, not once but three times, and what’s more, it’ll happen in the next 12 hours.’
It must have saddened Jesus to know that, and to see through Peter’s bravado. He knows that we are dust. But instead of taking Jesus’ words to heart, Peter just gets louder: ‘Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you’. And the other disciples say the same thing.
When Jesus actually was arrested, Peter actually was the one who put up some resistance. Bleary-eyed from sleep, and maybe a little disoriented, he grabs a sword and hacks out at a man, slicing his ear off. But then all the disciples flee into the safety of the night shadows. Including Peter. Jesus stands alone with those who are bent on his destruction.
He is arrested and taken to the high priest’s house for what is really a sham of a trial. There, false witnesses try to manufacture some evidence the religious leaders can use to condemn Jesus, but the trial falls apart. Eventually they’ve got to ask Jesus outright: Are you the Son of God, and Jesus says, ‘Yes.’ Of course, not believing him, they charge him with blasphemy and condemn him to death. They spit on him, beat him and mock him.
Now, while this is happening, who is in the courtyard just outside? Peter is there. He has gathered enough courage to trail along behind, to get within earshot of what is going on. While Jesus is facing his captors inside, Peter is just outside in the courtyard. He is with the guards, warming himself at the fire.
From his account of Jesus’ trial in verses 53-65, Mark takes us to the courtyard and what is happening to Peter in the meantime. Verse 65 has Jesus being struck and mocked and called on to ‘prophesy’ He doesn’t respond, but Mark takes us right away to Peter’s denials,
So we come to Part B: Peter’s episode, taking place at that very moment, and which Jesus did prophesy.
It is the middle of the night. Out in the courtyard, Peter is warming himself at the fire. Outside the courtyard, the city is asleep and silent but it is busy here. The Jewish religious council is meeting to try Jesus. So that means the servants of the religious leaders are also here: attendants, those providing food and drink, some guards inside with Jesus, some outside, unneeded for the moment. These guards are at the fire to keep warm, and passing time, and talking, as men do. Maybe they’re talking about Jesus, having seen him brought in. Maybe they’re talking politics and the Roman presence in Jerusalem. Maybe it is just small talk.
One of the servant girls of the high priest’s home comes to the fire, maybe to bring food or drink to the guards. She sees Peter and pauses. Something about him seems familiar. She had not been in the Garden at Jesus’ arrest. Maybe she had been in the streets when Jesus came into Jerusalem amid great fanfare just five days earlier. Maybe she had been at the temple when Jesus taught for those few days. But somehow Peter rings a bell, and she looks at him more closely.
Then it strikes her: ‘You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus’, she said.
Suddenly Peter has goosebumps and it’s not from the chill of the night. The very last thing he wants now is attention on him. Jesus is being condemned to death inside so to be identified as Jesus’ associate right here at the high priest’s house is potentially life-threatening. He panics, ‘What was I thinking to come here!’ Peter says the first thing he can to deflect the pressure, ‘I don’t know or understand what you are talking about’. He seems to brush her off (and I wonder if he tried to laugh as he said it), but he reveals his obvious discomfort by leaving the fire and hurrying out to the entryway.
He is not safe there either, though, for the servant girl has to pass through. Does Peter see her coming and try to turn his face away? stand behind a person? move into the shadow? The servant girl sees Peter again, and says to the others standing around, ‘This fellow is one of them.
Again, Peter denies it but it’s too late. The spotlight is on him, and he becomes the subject of a murmuring conversation. Finally they say to Peter, ‘You are one of them, for you are a Galilean.’ Peter’s accent gives him away. He is not from here and therefore he is not part of the crew that should be here in the high priest’s house tonight. And what else would a Galilean be doing right here, at this hour in the middle of the night, if he were not here on account of Jesus the Galilean?
Peter breaks. He cannot handle the strain. The tension is too much to bear. All he wants now is to get out of here. So he lashes out verbally. Only he doesn’t just deny Jesus. He calls down curses on himself. Maybe he used the common Old Testament invocation: ‘May God deal with me, be it ever so severely if I am not telling you the truth.’ And he swears to them, ‘I don’t know this man you’re talking about!’
Third time, as Jesus had said. ‘Peter, you’ll die for me? No. You’ll entirely disown me, not once, but three times.’ Just as he had fallen asleep three times in the Garden of Gethsemane, when Jesus said, ‘Watch and pray, because a great temptation is coming.’ But there too Peter didn’t watch and pray. He didn’t prepare himself to face the great temptation. Instead he slept three times. The number three is meaningful here. Three represents completeness. When the angels say ,’Holy, holy, holy is the Lord’, they’re saying, ‘God is absolutely holy, the very perfection of holiness’. Peter’s three-fold denial signifies absolute disassociation from Jesus. He has not just made a mistake. He has fully and completely denied Jesus. Despite his best intentions, despite his resolve earlier, despite being convinced that no one could be more committed to Jesus than he was, when the moment came when identifying with Jesus would cost him, he failed.
When Jesus had first spoken of his coming suffering, death and resurrection, Peter began to rebuke Jesus, only to have Jesus rebuke him even more strongly. Jesus used that moment to make a point about the cost of being his follower. He said,’ If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it. But whoever loses his life for me and for the sake of the gospel will save it (Mark 8:34-35).
Three years ago, Jesus had found Peter on the shores of Galilee and said, ‘Follow me’. Peter and his partners had been fishing all night, but not caught anything. Jesus says to them, ‘Let’s go out and fish.’ Peter says, ‘We’ve tried that and caught nothing, but if you say so…’ And they catch the catch of their life. Peter sees Jesus for the first time, recognizes ‘This is a man of God’. Peter sees himself, too, and says, ‘I’m sinful, Lord.’ Jesus says, ‘Never mind, follow me.’ Peter did, and thought he was a good follower. But now suddenly he’s faced with a choice: to identify with Jesus, or protect himself. There’s Jesus and himself, and he’s going to have to deny one of them: Deny himself, risk his freedom and maybe his life and honor his commitment to Jesus? Or deny Jesus, and so save himself? When he realizes for the first time what being a follower of Jesus could cost him he can’t do it. ‘I didn’t know following Jesus could be this hard.’
Let’s not be too hard on Peter. The fact that he was in the courtyard at all means that he is already risked more than many of us have done, and certainly more than the other disciples did. But he had made claims about being willing to risk it all for Jesus. ‘The other disciples can flee, I won’t. As long as I’m breathing, Jesus, I will be there for you. Because I’m Peter. And I’m the best friend you’ve got. Let me show you how committed I am. I’ll just roll up my sleeves and grit my teeth and you just watch me. I’ll make you proud. I’ll even die for you. How about that!?’ But he couldn’t.
He calls down curses on himself, and swears loudly to all within earshot that he’s never even heard of what’s-his-face, this Nazarene.
No sooner has he spoken, the sound of the rooster crow is heard. Like a hammer blow to his heart, he remembers Jesus’ words, ‘Before the rooster crows you will disown me three times’. It is the most devastating moment of his life. Peter realizes, for the first time in his life, that his own intention and resolve is not enough. He does not have it within himself to follow Jesus.
Have you ever had one of those moments? When your resolve has faltered in the face of temptation?
- – stress comes and you start smoking again
- – you said ‘For better or for worse’, but now you want out
- – you’ve been messing around with sex, and you’ve just discovered you’re pregnant, or have gotten a disease
- You’ve had a bit to drink, not too much, but in the car accident someone got killed
- You hadn’t planned on lying, but you did, and you couldn’t backtrack. And now the truth is known.
- You hadn’t intended your internet habit to go that far, and your spouse has just found out.
- Maybe it is just the realization again that despite our desire to know God well and cultivate spiritual depth, we find ourselves thinking, ‘Man, the last month has been so busy again.’
In that moment all our sense of self-reliance comes crashing to the ground. The reality of failure hits us hard. Peter hears the rooster, remembers Jesus’ words, realizes what has just happened, and he breaks down and cries. He weeps bitterly the Scripture says. He just gives out. And for the first time in his life, he realizes that he does not have it within himself to be and to do all that he wants to be and do.
He has been pushing the car, only to have it roll back over him.
Have you felt like that? Have you ever felt frustrated and thought: ‘I should be better than this. I should know God better than I do. Why is this so hard?’
Chris Rice sings it well:
You think I’d have had it down by now.
I’ve been practicing for thirty years.
I should have walked a thousand miles.
What am I still doing here?
Reaching out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit.
I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose.
For how many of us does that describe our life of following Jesus?
My kids had a TV video game with a number of different elements to it that teach letters and spelling. One of the activities is the ‘Super-Slam-Bonus-Round’. They have to drive a bumper car in a straight line and avoid other bumper cars that move back and forth across their path. And they accumulate points as they do that. But if they hit any other car, they’re sent back to the beginning. And I watch them play. And they’re just young kids with not great reflexes yet, and I’ve never seen them make it through. It is always ‘car – car- bang’, and they are forced to go back to the beginning.
Our following Jesus can feel like that: ‘step-step- bang’, back to the beginning. Roll up my sleeves, commit to reading my Bible more, praying better, and a month later; bang, back to the beginning. Several months without internet porn, and ‘bang’. I have just had a great worship experience, get home from church and ‘bang’, I’m yelling at my kid. And I hear the rooster crow, and know I’ve failed again.
The question is: is that how it’s got to be for us? Are we condemned to a life of good intentions and frequent failures? Is the rooster crow the sound that defines our life ?
We do no’t hear any more from Peter for a while. Jesus goes to Pilate and is condemned to death. He is beaten, led to the cross and crucified. He hangs there for half a day. Some of his women followers are there. The disciple John is there. Where is Peter….?
Fast forward to the book of Acts. There we see much of Peter again. He is leading the early church. He preaches the first church sermon ever and 3000 people are converted. He is healing sick people. He is standing before the very ones who condemned Jesus to death, and telling them: ‘Jesus is Lord. You killed him, but God raised him from the dead.’ Peter is the first to take the message of Jesus to the Gentiles. Peter ends up in prison facing execution for his refusal to back away from his faith in Jesus.
This is not the same Peter we see in Mark: the brash but ultimately cowardly disciple. No, in Acts he is strong, bold. What has happened?
Two things have happened:
The first is found in John chapter 21. It is after the resurrection. Jesus has met the disciples on the shore of Galilee. Peter is at his old fishing place again with a few disciples. They have fished all night and caught nothing. Jesus calls out from the shore to let their net out on the other side of the boat, and they catch the catch of their life. Peter rushes back to shore, only to find Jesus by a fire. They have a conversation: Jesus asks Peter ‘Do you love me?’ He asks him how many times? Three. Peter is crushed by the question. ‘Lord, you know I do.’
I wish I had the time to look at that episode in depth, it is so rich, but the upshot is that Jesus gives Peter the place of leadership among the disciples. But Jesus also says to him again, just as he had at this same spot three years earlier, ‘Follow me.’ Only now does Peter know what it means to follow Jesus. Jesus still wants Peter. Where Peter thought he had disqualified himself, Jesus embraces him and says, ‘There’s a place for you with me.’
The first thing that happened to Peter was that he experienced the grace of Jesus.
The second thing happens in Acts chapter 2. Peter is with the other believers in Jerusalem. Jesus has now ascended to heaven but told his followers to wait in Jerusalem for a time. They spend that time praying, taking care of some leadership matters, replacing Judas. And then the Holy Spirit fills the room, with the sound of a mighty wind, and the appearance of fire. And for the first time in history, the very presence of God takes up residence in people. He fills them with supernatural power, and it is in that context that Peter preaches to the crowd and 3000 people are saved. When Peter faces the religious leaders, bound just as Jesus was, he is filled with the Spirit and proclaims Jesus to them.
That’s the second thing that happened to Peter: the Holy Spirit of God filled him and gave him power to proclaim, to heal, to stand firm.
The difference between the Peter of the Gospels and the Peter of Acts is that he had experienced the grace of God and been filled with the Spirit of God.
The difference between the Peter of the Gospels and the Peter of Acts is that the Peter who warmed himself at the fire was a Peter who trusted himself, who thought he needed to push the car, who relied entirely on himself. The Peter of Acts was a Peter who had known grace and forgiveness, who knew that Jesus was not holding his failures against him. He was a Peter who had learned to live in the power of God’s Holy Spirit, not his own power.
More important than those things was this: he learned that his life is not about himself but about Jesus. My life is about Jesus. Your life is about Jesus.
Period.
Amen.